I went to the new Star Wars movie. 

Everyone who is worried about spoilers, really you don't need to. It's a Star Wars movie. Think about what that means. If you forgot, go see the movie, you'll remember right away.

There must be other things you can make a movie about instead of this. You could just go see the first Star Wars movie, and you'd have exactly the same experience. 

My three sentence review: I had to go see it. You don't. I promise. 

The NYT did not give it a critic's choice. I totally understand why. Now I'll go read the review. 

The review is as grandiose and boring as the movie. I don't know why people dote on this movie so much. There was nothing creative or interesting about it. The dialog was like a SNL skit. I don't think they were joking though (if they were they would have put a wink in there somewhere). I kept waiting for them to do something interesting, like have George Takei do a cameo, just to make fun of all the grandmas and grandpas they dragged out for this. He could have made eyes at the new young male lead. They could have had James T Kirk take off his shirt and flirt with the female lead. "These are the voyages..." Both of the new young stars were delicious, btw. The one redeeming quality of the movie. 

My one word review: whatever.