A longtime friend was taken down by #metoo. Lost everything. The screed against him, posted on Medium, when edited down to real, not imagined, accusations was that when he was drunk he felt the breasts of a woman who was also drunk, in public, at a party at a tech conference. #
He admitted it, and apologized, even though because he is an alchoholic, he had no memory of it. I thought the accusation should have been made without a lot of the imagined offenses, very clearly. #
He wasn't one of the famous targets of #metoo, he was just quietly deleted. #
No, I don't think it was fair, but that isn't the point of my story.#
I posted a note of love and support for my friend on Facebook, and almost immediately the threats of accusations against me came both publicly and privately. Nothing that amounted to anything, but it made it clear I'd better shut up, or else I'll be joining my friend in oblivion. #
When I was terribly sick in 2002, he was one of three friends who stood by me. He came to visit regularly while I was recuperating. He always listens when I have something to say. He's a good friend. He also can be a total jerk. I've seen that too. He got drunk on a lot of bullshit, not just alcohol. #
Since then the #metoo parade has passed him by. I'm sure very few people remember what happened to him. But he can't get back on his feet. He's in AA now. He's become a house husband, taking care of the kids while his wife works. I'm sure some people take pleasure in this, feel it's only fair that a man's life be destroyed this way, because so much terrible stuff has happened to women.#
Maybe you're right, in some moral way, maybe men do deserve this. But while my friend's life has been destroyed, he can still vote. His friends can vote. I won't vote Republican because of this, but I would like the Democrats to start worrying about this too, not seeing it as so one-sided, that all women are right and fair, always, and would never accuse a man of doing something he didn't actually do. Or wouldn't embellish it to make it more dramatic. Or use an accusation to get even for some other perceived offense. Or maybe for no reason at all. #
Women are people, as humanly flawed as men. Give them a way to hurt other people, and they will use it. The idea that a woman would never make an accusation unless they knew it was true is incorrect. So we need to do better than simply "believe the woman."#
BTW, there was abuse in my family when I was growing up. So I know how it ruins lives. I've written about it on my blog. There's a lot more I could write if I had the courage to do so. #
Conclusion: Because there is unfairness in the #metoo movement, because it silences a legitimate point of view, it gives the Republicans something to campaign on that resonates. We have a problem. Much more than Kavanaugh.#