The most amazing thing happens when woman friends visit. They take over my kitchen. Move things around. Hide them. Put things in places they don't belong. Sometimes I find them years later.#
I got so used to it, and btw angered about it, that I tried to make a deal with my aunt when she and my uncle came to visit when I lived in Calif. I said if you tell me why you want to do it, I'll let you. (At least they asked, I think that was probably my uncle's influence, I should have asked him why they asked, usually they don't, they just start doing). Anyway, when I made the offer Aunt Marsha said nothing and went ahead and started cleaning and reorganizing. #
It. Happens. All. The. Time. And I hate it. I fucking hate it. I tell them this before they do it. I tell them while they're doing it. I warn them, don't mess with the kitchen, after they've done it, and they do it again. Oy.#
Now on their side -- I don't think there's much thought to it. I think I am invisible to them. Not a factor. Subconsciously somehow they got the idea that there is no woman who owns this kitchen therefore I do. #
I've asked many times if they would do this to a woman friend, come for a visit and start rearranging and cleaning their kitchen. No one has said yes, but I think some of them actually do it. But most won't because it's such a sign of disrespect. I guess maybe they can see other women. Or they can relate to it, they can imagine how they would feel if their friend tried to take over their kitchen. #
I can't speak for all men (and neither can you btw) but some of us want powerful and capable women friends. People who have big positive ideas and try to do their part to help. More than anything what we want from women is to be seen as real people. #
Let's help each other, and start by giving us all the benefit of the doubt, and assume we mean well and can and want to take care of ourselves. #
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