One of my favorite movies of all time, possibly the best movie ever made, has a scene that has had me thinking for years. Two characters, one played by Vera Farmiga, and the other by Leonardo DiCaprio. Midway through the scene she says: "I have to say your vulnerability is really freaking me out right now." A pause. She asks: "Is it real?" He says he thinks it is.

First, it's great that she checked. When you have an impression of someone else, possibly you're tuning into something about them, but more likely you're projecting. So it's good to check. She plays a psychiatrist in the movie so it would be appropriate for her character not to make an assumption.

So, he's vulnerable. If you knew the circumstances (no spoilers) you'd know it made perfect sense for him to feel that way. But in most movies, the man is tough, he faces the challenge head-on without fear. In real life if we did that, we'd be likely be dead.

When you're vulnerable, it's good to feel it. It's a survival mechanism. Evolution made us that way. When you're walking across an open savanna, you are vulnerable. There could be a lion hiding in any tree, ready to kill you and eat you. Keep your eyes open and be ready to run.

But in our society people are like Ms Farmiga's character, freaked out by male vulnerability, but not as clean about it as she is.

We are told to be strong, be a man, man up. Be happy with what you have, but don't be too happy.

As a man, I don't mind being strong for others, being a source of protection, but inside I'm just like you. So are your sons and brothers and fathers and uncles.

We have to find a good compromise. A way to be true to who we are, and have people's expectations of who we are come closer to the reality.

PS: This started as a Facebook post. It got a lot of likes, but predictably, not many comments. Why? I assume because it's written by a man and shows vulnerability.