When I was a kid I had so many material desires, so many things that cost money that would’ve given me pleasure. Mostly stereo and sports equipment. I didn’t have any money. Now I could buy anything that I want. But there’s nothing money can buy that I want. #
As has been pointed out elsewhere there are exceptions to this rule. I want a hot tub. For whatever reason I can't seem to get the things I need together to get it installed. When I get one, I will say publicly, probably on my blog and elsewhere, that I've wanted my own hot tub since I left Calif in 2003 and that it's insane that something so good for the human body is so hard to get access to outside the home. There are, in Calif, hot tub places in every town, like bowling alleys. In the east, they just don't have them. Someone should go into that business, I bet it would boom, and would help people in the east relax (not sure if that'd be a good thing or not).#
Here's the rule. When I shop on Amazon I can't find anything I want the way I wanted things when I was a kid looking through the Sears catalog. But there were things I wanted like Pentel Sign Pens, but as soon as they got them on Amazon I basically bought a lifetime supply and gifted them to a few of my friends. Of course now my once gorgeous handwriting has devolved into barely readable scratches. I almost never write by hand, maybe to address an envelope, or write a greeting card. So even Pentel Sign Pens don't bring me joy. BTW, if you've never gotten a Pentel Sign Pen they truly are wonderful. Even for adults, but as a kid, they were magnificent. I wonder if kids today have to write by hand? Hmmm. #
BTW, when I got all the boxes out of storage from Berkeley I got to go through my childhood a bit. Here's the first page of a notebook, either first or second grade, probably second. #
There's a process at work here that I'm just beginning to understand. When I was a kid, I had a small immediate family and a very large secondary family. My paternal grandfather had twelve siblings and most of them had relocated to NYC during the war. So my mother had a huge number of cousins, and some of them were close. A bunch of them lived in Rockaway where my grandparents lived. But that was 50 years ago. They're all gone now, and the bonds didn't extend into the next generation. So I have a very tiny remnant of a family now. I seek friendships that can take their place, but truth is they can't. I'd pay a lot if I could buy another weekend with the relatives who are gone, even the ones who drove me crazy, but alas that is not for sale anywhere. #
PS: Though I didn't realize it as I was writing this piece, it's one of the big threads of Mr Robot. #
Last update: Tuesday December 24, 2019; 11:35 AM EST.
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